She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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