Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
