Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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