DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
