There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
