I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
