How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
