That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
