No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
