conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
