you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
