There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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