Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
