so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
