Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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