How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
