This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
