He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
