Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
