I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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