I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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