Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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