Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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