This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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