If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
