he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
