The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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