It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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