He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize