I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
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