fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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