it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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