I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
