this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
