it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
