Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize