oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
A+ Viking dick
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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