Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
