I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
