dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
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