she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
