My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
