i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
