dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
