I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
