As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
