yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
