Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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