Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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