I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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