Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
