Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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