Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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