don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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