when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
