if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
