even my farts smell like vagina
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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