You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
