Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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