remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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