so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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