I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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