Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
