So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
