so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
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