Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
