You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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