Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
