she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize