Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
