his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
you had me at cake vodka
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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