My friends, they love my intelligence
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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