Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
