I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
