When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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